Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Test Proves Conclusively that Uncle Artemus is Not a Loser After All! Wife to be Notified Forthwith

Well it seems that old Uncle Artemus isn't as big a loser as it would, er... my wife, friends, general public.
Mimi has this wonderful fun little contest going called Dating Profile of the Day. It works like this...

She posts ten headlines or snippets from posted dating profiles, bad grammar, misspellings, idiotic comments, everything left intact. The goofier(is that a word?) the better. The challenge is to make a witty, snappy, or otherwise generally amusing comeback or response to the said snippet. Check the site for detailed instructions.

I came across this contest randomly and loved it at first site (so to speak) and this appeared to be the perfect opportunity to cut loose with some primo smartassiness. I just couldn't resist. And whattaya know, Mimi awarded me with points enough to take Second Place; my first time out, no less! I'm proud as punch and would like to thank Judge Mimi and all the flat headed little people I stepped on to achieve these lofty heights of recognition.

Again, click here for contest specs and ALL the responses to the last postings of profile snippets. (which, incidentally was round 11) I include below a copy of the snippets and my OWN responses because I'm a self centered old bastard and really only care about hearing my own voice inside my head.


1. I would like to find a woman that makes me fell like a man.
What can I say, I'm a pushover.

2. I don't Know what I want and I don't know who it is sooo . why say too much cause what I don't like might be OK if I like you and what I do like might be wrong anyway . So who cares what will keep us together and make honesty worth having, might be OK.
We now return to our regularly scheduled schizophrenia.

3. God Didn't Intend For Us To Be Along!
But God Did Intend For Us To Have Away!

4. I am a hard worker and very honest a one women man.
Also I am smarter and mothers is love as me, sometimes.

5. Plus ca change, plus c'est le meme chose
Wait... just give me a second to check my Gibberish to English Handbook.

6. Love to drive, Like to Cuttle too!
I can Cuttle and Drive all night long, baby!

7. Looking for someone that can show there real self without realizing it.
Also someone who has good cents without using it.

8. I have traveled alot around the US had afew realasionships but still looking for the write one. A ladie whos faithfull caring with a good sence of hummer as I have.
I really like good faithful hummer. If you owne a first grad Spelling Primer is also a plus benefite.

9. I am a licensed plumber by habit but I would rather be sailing.
I got into the habit of plumbing back in high school, hanging out with the cool kids in the empty lot next to the Industrial Arts Building, sweating copper pipe fittings and practicing garbage disposal installation. If only I had sailed instead, but no, I had to plumb. (I think mimi liked that one, it was my personal favorite of the buch)

10. Someone who realizes that the grass is always half full when you are pouring into it and only half empty when you are drinking it.
Ahh yes. And the glass is always greener when you're smashing the bottle over an idiots head. (Uncle: Mims says Stop The Violence)

So there you have it. I hope I've amused you as much as I amuse myself, which is really what this is all about anyway, isn't it? I just hope I haven't peaked my first time out. I've gotta win this thing or my life will have no meaning...again.

1 comment:

Dirk_Star said...


I just got your email this evening.

Sorry I've been away but my wife has had a few pregnant issues and she needed me...

Nice Zappa jpg! I have the button and photo on my wall.