Saturday, January 6, 2007

Introductions and Hidey Ho's!

Hello and welcome to blog entry number two. Since I'm new to the blogosphere I figured the polite thing to do with this second entry would be to introduce everyone to the family and tell you a little about us. However I'm completely paranoid as the result of prolonged exposure to My Little Ponies cartoons and of course having that steel plate in my head, so I'm reluctant to reveal the secret identities of myself and those close to me who foolishly believe I know what the hell I'm doing. You just never know when the Interninja Web Assassins will finally track you down. But in the interest international diplomacy I've decided to chance it and share a few photos and personal info.

So anyway, this is a picture of me, Uncle Artemus. I'm the one on the end with the pretty legs and oh so stylish tube socks.

This next one is a picture of my wife, Big Mama. She's really sweet. I have to say that or she will beat me up. She rides a motorcycle.

This is Millie, our daughter. She turns five years old this month. She doesn't really wear glasses, I just drew those on as a clever disguise. That other thing's a giant catfish, but he's technically not part of the family.

This is our dog, Bubba the Cockapoo. He barks a lot at the bookcase which kind of freaks me out at 2:00 in the morning. Other times he seems reasonably intelligent, except maybe for the incessant grunting, chasing of concrete trucks and licking the place where his balls used to be.

We live in an old house in a small town outside of a big town somewhere in the midwest.
See map for details. Sometimes I forget where I live exactly, what with the flashbacks to the time spent in the asylum and all, but I know there's this big river nearby and some cornfields and a giant sculpure shaped like the form created by suspending a chain from two horizontal points. He who has ears, let him hear.

I'm a commercial photographer by trade. Liberated of late from the daily grind of making enough money to pay the bills. Lucky me. I keep waiting for that kicked in the ass by a golden horseshoe feeling but so far it has eluded me. Fortunately I have some good people channeling work my way as they can, so at least Bubba's not wanting for kibble just yet. Also, being a photographer means I have about two hundred thousand pictures of Millie so you will probably be seeing more of her, (and probably without the disguise) And having an intermittent work schedule gives me plenty of time to pursue the truly rewarding things in life, like cleaning the basement and writing this blog.

Big Mama is a talented freelance graphic designer who works out of our home office, but work is kind of thin for her these days as well. To make a little extra scratch we recently tried our hand at e-bay, selling some of the left over internal organs we had lying around. By the time I researched the going price of spleens and pituitary glands, wrote the descriptions of said organs in a reasonably concise and readable manner, (
have you ever read some of those ebay product descriptions? A million monkeys writing for a million years write millions of e-bay product descriptions long before they complete a Shakespeare play) watched the bidding obsessively, tried desperately to figure out PayPal and shipping expenses, and boxed up the troublesome shit and hauled it to the post office I figure I made about .13 cents an hour for my trouble. Where are the Chinese kids when you really need them?


Anonymous said...

You are as interesting and amusing as you are talented. That's something to ponder, yes? lol I'll favoritize and check in periodically.

Much love to Big Mamma and Millie and especially Bubba.

A distant relation residing in Texas. (I can't make those maps, so I'll be stuck telling you the state. Go luck siccing the interne-stapo on me).

Rose said...

Your wife and my hubby have something in common. He does graphic design among other tech things. I enjoyed getting to know your family.